Another Battle...

Ok, so I've been getting a lot of flack from family members who are wondering when I am finally going to update my blog. To tell you the truth, I just haven't had the emotional strength to do it. My life has been turned upside down once again. I had a CT scan done in February to check out some damage that had been done to my right lung during radiation. The results were never sent to my oncologist so it wasn't until a few weeks later when I went to go see my surgeon about reconstruction that she looked up the scan and told me the news that my cancer is back in my lung and in the lymph nodes underneath my heart. We met with my oncologist the next day and he ordered me a bunch of tests to have done in two weeks. I had a blood test, a PET/CT scan, a MRI on my brain, and a CT guided biopsy of the biggest tumor they could find on my lung. There is no cancer anywhere else in my body right now, but now we do know that cancer is in my blood stream, so there is no way for me to ever be "cured." I had a port (my third) put into my left arm yesterday and I am set to begin chemo on Tuesday. Back to being pumped full of poison and steroids, feeling like crap, and losing my hair. Back to the constant constipation, not being able to sleep, and the lovely taste of metal in my mouth constantly. Back to numb hands and feet, Neulasta shots, and a second trip through menopause. Can't wait! I'll keep you all updated.

Happy President's Day!

Did you miss me?

I've been away from the blogging world for a little while. We survived the holidays and are good and healthy. We recently spent a week in Utah and had a blast. I couldn't get over how cold it was. I don't remember it being so cold during the four years that I lived there. We stayed at my brother's house in Kaysville. They promised us great snow and fun times, and that's what we got. Scott and Hannah wanted to go skiing, but there were frostbite warnings because it was so cold. Maybe next trip. We played in the snow, visited Temple Square, went ice skating, visited my Alma Mater (BYU), and spent time with family.

Hannah had never seen snow before. She was thrilled!!!

This was what Aaron thought of the snow.

Hannah's cousins teaching her how to give a "white wash."

She had a blast sledding and tubing down the hill in my brother's back yard. Christian, Lauren and Michaela, thank you for being so patient with her.

Aaron turned 18 months last week.

To make a long story short, he does not enjoy the nursery.

And on a final note...

Last night I finally finished the Eclipse novel. I doubt that I will ever find anyone in a novel who can make me swoon as much as Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, but Edward (sigh) is in a close second. I am looking forward to reading about what the future holds for Edward and Bella in the next novel--but that won't be coming out until the fall. I have finally finished the seemingly never-ending stack of books that were given to me by friends and family when I first started chemo, so I am looking for new things to read. If you have any suggestions, let me know.

My Brave Boy

AJ's surgery went great! We got to St. Joseph hospital at 5:15 am and they immediately took us back to a pre-op room. Aaron got to sit in a hospital crib and play with lots of toys while we met the anesthesiologist. We changed him into his hospital gown and the nurse took his temperature and put his id tags on his ankle. He was so happy and being so good and I felt so bad that he had no clue what was about to happen to him. At 5:50 am, the OR nurse came and we said goodbye to him and she wisked him away. Poor guy, we could hear him screaming all the way down the hall. Not even ten minutes went by and a nurse came and got us from the waiting room. We got to Aaron just as he was waking up. Yikes! He was screaming and trying to climb out of this basinet thing that they had him in. Scott grabbed him and we went into this little room where they had rocking chairs and a tv. We just held Aaron and let him scream till he finally opened his eyes and realized that he was with mom and dad and that he was fine. One of the nurses gave him some graham crackers and a teddy bear. Dr. Camilon said that Aaron's ears had tons of fluid in them and that the fluid was very thick and that he should start saying lots of words soon. Aaron fell asleep on the way home and since he woke up he has been his usual sweet happy self. You'd never know that he'd had surgery 12 hours ago!

Update

I want to let everyone know that I had my checkup today with my oncologist. My PET scan results showed my body is clear of cancer. HOORAY!! My awful year of chemotherapy, surgery, and radiation paid off. Thank you for all of your prayers and support. I am definitely going to have a much better Christmas this year than I did last year. We found out last week that Aaron will be having tubes placed in his ears. Aaron has had fluid behind his ear drums for about 6 months straight now because that area is kinked and cannot drain the fluid. Scott had this same problem when he was Aaron's age, so I guess it is genetic. The poor guy has been sick so much during his little 16 month old life, so we are hoping that this will solve a lot of his problems and stop the ear aches. The ENT specialist told me that Aaron will start sleeping better at night and he will start talking because he will finally be able to hear what we are saying. So while you are all sleeping soundly in your beds at 4:30am on Friday, I will be on my way to the hospital to have my sweet little boy put under for a surgery that takes 3 whole minutes. The same day that we found out about Aaron's ear surgery, we found out that Hannah has 8 cavities and needs 2 root canals and 2 caps. Will this family ever be healthy?!? So in 2 weeks, Hannah will be also be put under so that the pediatric dentist can do all he needs to do in one visit. I'll let you know how everything goes.

Last weekend Hannah and I and some of the other girls in my family went to Hollywood and saw the movie Enchanted at the El Capitan Theater. We got to listen to an organist play all our favorite Disney princess tunes and then we watched the movie. After the movie we got to go next door and participate in all kinds of fun "princess" activites. Every single Disney princess was present and we got to take pictures with all of them, including Princess Giselle from the movie.

Hannah getting her makeup done like a princess. We had a lot of fun that day. Thank you Opa for getting the tickets for everyone!

For family home evening a few weeks ago, we made a gingerbread house. Hannah pretty much did the whole thing by herself. Sadly, this past Saturday, I went to go get something from my bedroom and when I came back, Aaron was on top of the dinning room table. He had demolished the house and was eating the roof.

Asking For Prayers...

Early tomorrow morning I am having a PET/CT scan to see if my cancer has come back and/or if it has spread to any other parts of my body. I probably won't get the results of the scan until I see my oncologist on Dec. 18th, but I will let you all know once I get the results. I am just asking for eveyone's prayers and good thoughts that the results will show that I am finally cancer free. I hope that you are all having a wonderful holiday season.

I'm a Survivor

Tonight I had my very last radiation treatment. 6 1/2 weeks of going to the hospital, Monday thru Friday, to lay on a table with my arms above my head for 3 minutes (just enough time to recite the Articles of Faith) are over. I really shouldn't complain. It was just a hassle to have to go there everyday and to be there for such a short amount of time. But it was painful at times to be in the awkward position that I had to be in, even if it was just for a few minutes. Having both of your breasts and some of your lymph nodes removed really sets a limit on how long you can hold your arms above your head without it being painful. This week it will be one year ago that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Thank you all for your prayers, your kind notes, the flowers, your emails, meals, for having my kids over to play, etc. It means so much to me and my family. As I start to feel better and to get stronger, I promise that I will try to return the kindness you all have shown me. I love you all!

Hannah had her last soccer game of the season on Saturday. After spending most of the season standing on the field with her hands covering her ears because she doesn't like the sound of the whistle, she surprised us all. She stayed in the game for 3 of the 4 quarters and she actually ran after the ball and even kicked it a few times. She even distracted two of the other team's players for the better part of one of the quarters.

Whatever these girls were talking about, it was important! All the other players on the field were running around them with the ball and they could have cared less.

On Sunday, Hannah had her very first primary program. I'm so proud of her for getting up to that microphone and saying her part that she's had memorized for 4 weeks, and for belting out those songs. I thought for sure she would crumble under the pressure of having two sets of grandparents and an aunt and uncle there, but she surprised me once again!

And just in case you were wondering, my sweet boy is sweeter than ever.